did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
