now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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