I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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