I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
