jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
