My first STD was from a foam party
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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