You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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