what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
