do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
