We're like a lot better than the average bears
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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