Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
