What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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