after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
