My hair reeks of homosexuality.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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