he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
