The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
