Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
