I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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