yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
