You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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