ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
