god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I am mentally ready for anal.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
