I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You've changed since you got that strap on
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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