ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Randomize