So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
