Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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