dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize