i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
