We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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