My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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