Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
