You're my little dorito
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
