I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
