How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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