Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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