I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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