Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
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