there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
