omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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