i don't like sucking hair
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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