margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
