and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
