Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize