i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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