Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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