go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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