I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
