Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize