Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
