I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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