she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
