how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
