And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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