Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
