He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
