Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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