It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
