like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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