My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
