I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Randomize
