I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
