i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
