I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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