Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I came so hard my ears popped.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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