also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
The uberlube is also flammable
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
