I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
literally had 100 drinks last night.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
