It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
