Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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