words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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