i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
