Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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