so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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