Your face is a jimmy john
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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