Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
