Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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