HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
