mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
