So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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