I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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