Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
