You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
She's JV to your varsity
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
