Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Randomize
