new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
