In the future we'll all be gay
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
