You were right. It hurts to walk today.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
