after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
