You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I have already put on my inside pants.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
