i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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