you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
