Acid is not a monday night drug
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
