Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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