btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
