she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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