So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I want her autograph on my taint
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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