I just threw up on my dentist
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize