STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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