I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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