I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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