forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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