I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
