Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
